Posted by The Blue Blazer (170-113-138.ipt.aol.com)
on January 09, 1999 at 00:44:59:
Well, folks, this will mark the Blue Blazer's last post on this
message board for quite sometime. I had been contemplating the best way
to say good-bye to all those people at the board, some of which are now
cheering and some of which are now crying (those of you who are
crying...STOP ACTING LIKE WOMEN!) when I decided upon one simple but
truthful realization. While I have answered many questions to my
unveiling (or would veiling be more appropriate?), I'm sure that my
flames are what are the most memorable. With that notion in mind, a plan
began to formulate: a plan which would call for the greatest flame of
all time. No one, however, seemed to fit the bill for such a flagrant
and malicious attack. Although I had had problems with many people, no
one demonstrated the combined ignorance, arrogance, and blatant
disregard for the decency of the board to warrant such a post. Would
Bowser fit? No, although he had said many things whose authenticity I
did and still do question, he really wasn't all that bad and his replies
to my pokes at him upon his return actually made me laugh quite a bit.
Kazuya? No, although he blatantly enjoyed flaming people and causing a
stir, he'd settled down lately and never really was a problem. What?!
was a true asshole, but appeared to be gone and simply wasn't worth the
effort. Ah, I thought to myself, if only Cody were still here. Then,
everything changed. Suddenly, it was as if those in charge of fate had
looked down upon me and decided to answer my dreams (what I did to
deserve this divine intervention still eludes me). From out of the vast,
endless depths of the internet came a person making a simple claim. He
had Kirby Superstars and if someone asked him nicely, he might tell them
where he got it. Boba Fett, I thought to myself, welcome to
hell.
Now, at the time of Boba Fett's appearance, I had recently been
involved in a somewhat massive flame war with What?!. Partially as a
result of that, partially in deference to the board maintainers who I
consider myself to be on good terms with, and partially because I found
it more enjoyable, I decided to approach Boba Fett using America
Online's Instant Messenger rather than respond to him on the board. I
inquired as to the game, expressing my disbelief as to the validity of
his claim. He responded with a cock-and-bull story about even if I've
never seen a million dollar bill, that doesn't mean it isn't real. Ah,
how the truth was already becoming clear. He became defensive claiming
that everyone who found incredibly rare roms acted in this manner, which
I assume meant incredibly juvenile and selfish. I recounted that I
myself had uploaded over 60 roms to cherryroms including the rare
uncorrupted copy of Energy Breaker (hi Rominator!), at which point he
stated he would upload it. I then requested that he tell me the location
from which he got it so I could confirm his story, of course willing to
allow him to upload it and take the credit for so remarkable a find. At
this point he turned off his instant messages. I e-mailed him telling
him he could not hide. He said he wasn't. I repeated my request for the
URL. He said it would take him some time to look for it. How, I thought
to myself, could one forget where he got such a rare rom, and recently
no less? Around this point he signed off of AOL. He claims his computer
crashed, a claim which I, of course, cannot substantiate.
Soon Boba
Fett blocked AOL from receiving my e-mails. He then went on to post, I
believe on both boards as, by this point, he had the tendency to always
post on both, that he would've gladly told the location of the rom if
somebody had asked him nicely. The story would soon change that he was
going to upload it as the rom of week, or some similar nonsense. The
last I heard on this matter, one which Boba Fett has mysteriously
stopped discussing, was from my friend Jin. Jin, who was having a
conversation with Boba Fett stated that, according to Boba, his copy of
the rom had been corrupted by ZSNES while playing it. Apparently, Boba
is unaware that the only ways to corrupt roms are through some form of
hexediting (either be it using a program like Hexposure or one which
changes the header like SNES-Tool).
Despite his failed attempts with
the Kirby game, Boba Fett would not leave. Instead he tried to earn the
thanks of others by making a variety of more and more ludicrous posts.
"What does *nt* mean?" "Is Actraiser 2 (or was it 1, I can't remember)
rare?" "Are any of these roms rare...Wolfenstein 3D...F-Zero 2...etc"
All the time, of course, he was unable, like so many of his kind, to
access the FTP which would have simply answered his question: no, Boba
Fett, none of those roms are rare, all of them are right here. Still,
the barrage of ridiculous questions continued. "What's a PAL code?"
"What's a slow rom?" "What's the difference between ZSNES .800c and a?"
Can you read a readme file, I thought to myself?
Meanwhile, he was
still trying to be liked by board patrons. "I have Zelda DX" he would
cry, unaware of the fact that it had been on the FTP (in at least two
directories) since its release. "anyone need a zsnes save state that'll
bring you right by that waiting period?" No, Boba Fett, no one needs
something that they too could do themselves simply by pressing the
fast-forward button. Let none of us forget how happy he was to find his
virtual boy emulator, only months past when everyone else had heard of
its release at every major emulation news site on the web, or his
incredibly rare StarFox Competition Cart.
However, unlike most
people who made these claims, Boba Fett was almost entirely unscathed by
flames or, for that matter, even responded to. You see, soon after it
became clear Boba Fett would not leave, I ICQed many of the boards
regulars, my friends, with a firm but simple plea: do not respond to
Boba Fett in anyway. You see, Boba Fett used AOL, and no matter how much
I wanted to see him banned, I knew that Geechyguy would not want to take
such drastic actions unless it became clear that there was no other way.
Perhaps, I thought, he would leave if ignored. So myself, Xanathis,
Someone, HyruleKnight, The New Kid, and Jin all simply stopped
responding to him. This might not seem like a challenge, but those of
you who know us understand how difficult it is to let comments likes
Boba Fett's slip by us. On many occasions, I had to try and reason with
them to halt the flames. Jin almost slipped, but refrained from using
Boba Fett's name, although I still wish he hadn't made that post at all.
Look, I told them, he'll never leave if he gets a response...he's simply
looking for attention. So they followed my lead and left him be, but
then it became clear: he still wouldn't leave.
So the plan then began
to take form, I would create the greatest flame of all time to Boba
Fett. I asked for their approval and it was unanimous. Yes, they cried,
go for it. And so I have. Perhaps it was not entirely what they
expected. It is not filled with profanity and insults as my flames
usually are, but it paints one, indelible picture: the picture of a kid
so obsessed with ingratiating himself that he made ridiculous claims he
could not keep and then, unaware that he could never repair those
actions, stuck around and continued his quest for the friendship that
most certainly eludes him in real life.
On that note, I leave you.
If you understand the truth behind the Blue Blazer story, then you know
that the man behind the mask is never far away. I'm sure that Boba Fett
and others will have a response for this tale, but in addition to
marking the Blazer's last post, this marks another change: the ban I put
on responding to Boba Fett is over. Xanathis, Someone...you two have
waited a long time to make your thoughts known to our "good friend," and
I'm sure you will enjoy yourselves thoroughly in these next few hours of
war. Boba Fett, I only implore you to leave now, since no good can come
of you staying here.
Some parting notes. Thank you to all of you who
went along with me on the Boba Fett issue. Thank you to Geechyguy,
Recoil, and everyone else at Cherryroms for creating such a wonderful
FTP and website. I'd like to apologize to Geechyguy for this post now,
even though he knows my intentions. I'd like to say quick little "Fuck
you" to anyone who flamed me in any way during my tenure here. And
finally, I'd like to tell Rominator not to commit suicide.
For the last time:
Toodles,
The Blue Blazer
